Monday, August 25, 2014
It’s been 25 days since George and I moved into our new-to-us home. This has been a rough couple months: a fire, the death of George’s grandmother, my father having surgery…but we’ve made it through on the other side, and I think we’re better for it.
Very early in our relationship, I told George I didn’t want to live with a significant other until we were married (I really meant him, but I didn’t want to freak him out too early on talking about marriage), and he was 100% supportive of that. I cited statistics and articles I’d read about couples living together before marriage leading to divorce. I wanted to give us the best chance possible.
I remember the first time we split the groceries, the first time we planned the weekly meals together, the first time I threw some of his laundry in with mine. It felt natural, normal. It didn’t feel like a slippery slope to living together and inevitable divorce. It felt like we were slowly but surely building a life together.
Gradually, we started having more conversations about moving in. What would it mean for us? What would it change? How would we deal with money? With splitting chores? It lead to conversations about our future and our commitment to each other.
There was one particular conversation where I remember George saying, “I don’t want to rush to get married just because we want to live together. I want it to be our choice.” It was then I realized that I was doing just that. I was rushing things because I was afraid of becoming a statistic. It wasn’t the right way to go about it. We should do what was right for us.
Deciding to move in together was not a matter of convenience. We weren’t trying to make it easier to see each other or make it cheaper. We made a choice to move in together because we’re building our life as partners. We took this step because it was the right one for us.
A week or two after we moved into our new place a friend posted this article on Facebook. It talks about how being deliberate in relationship choices sets couples up for better commitment and follow through. It was so reassuring to finally read something that spoke to the kind of relationship George and I have. We make choices together. We discuss the pros and cons, we debate, we reach conclusions.
Whatever your next step in your relationship, whether it’s getting married or moving in or simply broaching the “relationship conversation,” make it deliberate. Make your own choices, and don’t worry too much about the statistics.
Now, for a few pictures of the new place!